John 10 Redux

A transformation of John 10, for your enjoyment and consideration. What does language like this contribute or detract from the passage? Is there something useful about this comparison? Does this language impede your understanding of the passage?

This passage is based off of Raymond Brown's translation in the Anchor Bible Commentary.

"Truly I assure you,
anyone who doesn't enter the thread by the link,
but comes across it some other way,
is a hacker and troll.
The one who enters through the link
is the OP of all the posters;
for him the mod allows the link.
And the posters read his blog,
as he tags those who belong to him,
and leads them in posting.
When he has caused all to post,
he posts again and again before them,
and the posters follow his posts,
because they recognize his font.
But they will not post after a hacker;
they will ignore him
because they do not know the font of strangers."

Although Happycat drew this picture for them, they didn't understand what he was trying to tell them.
So Happycat posted [to them again],

"Truly I assure you,
I am the link to the thread.
All who posted [before me]
are hackers and trolls,
but the posters ignored them.
I am the link.
Whoever enters through me
will be saved;
and he will travel the internets,
and will find lolz.
A hacker comes
only to steal, slaughter, and destroy.
I came
that they may have lolz,
and have them fully.

I am the epic OP:
the epic OP lays down his connection for the posters.
The anon, who is not the OP,
and doesn't care about the thread,
sees the /b/tards posting,
and logs off, leaving the posters
to be flamed and disgusted by the /b/tard.
And this is because he posts for lulz,
and has no concern for the posters.

I am the epic OP:
I know my posters
and my posters know me,
just as the Admin knows me,
and I know the Admin.
And for these posters I lay down my connection.
I have other posters, too,
that do not belong to this site.
These also must I tag,
and they will read my blog.
Then there will be one thread, one OP.
This is why the Admin loves me:
because I lay down my connection
in order to use it again.
No one has taken my service provider from me;
rather, I lay it down of my own accord.
I have the power to lay it down,
and I have power to take it up again.
This command I received from my Admin.

Because of these words the site's people were again sharply divided. Many of them were claiming, "He is possessed by a virus - out of control! Why read his posts?" Others maintained, "These are not the posts of an infected device. Surely a virus cannot repair a monitor!"

Crash Course in Preaching

I've read a book called What Not to Say: Avoiding the Commen Mistakes That Can Sink Your Sermon for class this week (John C. Holbert and Alyce M. McKenzie, Louisville: Westminster John Knox, 2011). I felt that this book is somewhat common-sense and elementary, but that it can be useful as an introduction and refresher. Additionally, some of what is said in it is so basic that I cannot believe people need to be told it; if you're in a pulpit, these things are just ridiculous. The Church deserves better. Below are my summarized notes on this book, which could be called the basics of preaching. Notice that the authors do not say "Law and Gospel" but they do say: "Deflation is the effect of the backing-over-the-spikes ending... the preacher puts the sermon in reverse... near the end, [the preacher] has presented the Good News that God offers... Then the preacher reverts to a repeated enumeration of the challenges..." (107) Or: "The Debbie Downer ending... is one that revisits the pain and grimness of the human condition after having pointed listeners to places where God is at work bringing grace and hope in the world." (108) Just something to keep in mind for when someone says they get sick of 'the same old law/gospel structure'.

What Not to Say: Abbreviated

1. God

Do not say:

                God is the direct cause of all that happens to you.

                God is the source of your abundance.

                God is the source of suffering in our lives.

But say:

                God’s ultimate purposes will be achieved, despite all obstacles.

                God is a steadfast presence with us in our suffering.

                God is the source of our abundance at the deepest level.

2. The Bible

Do not say:

                The Bible is a book of answers.

                All these quotes make this sermon biblical.

                Facts about the Bible are automatically sermon material.

                This is my favorite part, so it is all I will preach on.

But say:

                God is the focus of the sermon.

                Biblical language is helpful, here is how.

                The Bible expresses our faith in this way.

                The Bible is a realm of imagination and creativity.

3. The Beginning of the Sermon

Do not say:

                Here’s an adorable, sickeningly cute story.

                Here’s a joke to start.

                Here’s a long, heavy, emotionally draining story.

                Here’s a bunch of trivia that is unimportant.

                Here’s a beginning that is stylistically different from the rest of the sermon.

But say:

                Here is a story that is thematically appropriate and provides access to my main point.

                Here is something interesting and exciting.

                Here is the part of Scripture that grabbed me.

                Here is a recent event/article/report that relates.

                Here is a memory this community shares.

4. Your People

Do not say:

                This is language you do not know, but must learn, to hear the gospel.

                This is my stereotypical judgment on this community.

                This is a sermon for your level; I know you can’t handle anything deeper.

                This is a sermon for the mind/emotions/decisions, and I’m ignoring other parts of you (i.e. a completely abstract sermon, an emotionally manipulative sermon, a “motivational” sermon).

But say:

                This is our common ground.

                This is what you excel in.

                This is what we can learn about today.

                This sermon addresses all of you.

5. The Middle of the Sermon

Do not say:

                I have 3 (or however many) points.

                Numbers or “next” or “now” are my transitions.

                My last sentence/quote/poem is the summary of the whole sermon.

                Here’s a totally contrived mode of speech.

                Look how dramatic I am all the time!

                Here’s a story to get your emotions involved the way I want.

But say:               

                Here is something tied into the opening of the sermon that transitions to the next section.

                This attention-sustaining transition uses words like “and” “again” “besides” “but” “yet” “still” “because” “since” “therefore”, etc. It points to the next section.

                The form of the sermon is theologically significant.

                The content and form of the sermon mesh together.

                Here are some questions to ask of the text.

                Here are a few points that transition nicely and flow together.

                Here is the ambiguity that we move through and into illumination.

                There are no more than five ideas captured and completed in this sermon.

                Every idea here is introduced, explored, and receives some closure.

6. Yourself

Do not say:

                I’m the hero in this story.

                I’m going to overshare now…

                I’m just going to talk about myself now.

                I’m going to use detailed personal stories frequently.

                I’m going to use stories about my family frequently.

But say:

                I’ve observed this experience.

                I’ve heard a story about a person who had this experience (the person could be you).

                I’ve experienced this dilemma and question my response.

7. In Stories

Do not say:

                I’m telling this story because: 1. I need therapy; 2. I’m self-centered; 3. I don’t really have anything to say; 4. I don’t think the text is interesting enough.

                The story makes my point trivial.

                The story undermines my point.

                The story does not share an objective with the text.

                The story denigrates someone, or a group.

                The story is not mine and is not mine to tell.

                The story makes me out to be a hero.

                The story makes me out to be a moron.

                The story removes appropriate boundaries.

                The story is fictitious.

                I’m going to hype this story up first.

                I’m going to tell you why I’m telling the story.

                I’m going to describe the story to you and keep you at a distance from it.

               

But say:

                I invite you into this story.

                Here is where and when.

                Here is my story.

                Here is a public story I’ve come across.

                Here’s a story from a novel.

                Here’s a story from a movie.

                Here’s a story from history.

                Here’s a story from another tradition.

                Here’s a story about how the gospel would sound to the absent.

                Here’s a story from the perspective of a nameless person in the text.

                Here’s a story with a metaphor or image as the springboard.

8. The End of the Sermon

Do not say:

                I don’t know how to end this, or I don’t want to, so I will meander uselessly.

                I will let the Holy Spirit provide the ending – I don’t need to prepare one.

                I’m ending, or I will tell you I am, but I’m actually only halfway.

                I’m going to close with a cascade of new ideas that I won’t take any time to explore.

                I’m going to get to what God is doing, but then end by going back to our own jobs or failures.

                I’m going to end by saying that God can’t do it all, and the world is really in trouble.

                I’m going to end, not with the real climax that finishes the sermon, but with needless explanation.

                I’m going to end with a disingenuous happy story that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

                I’m going to end with an ask: one thing you can do this week.

But say:

                Here’s the end of the story I began the sermon with (but not every week).

                I’m going to end by going back to the image we started with.

                Since God has done (x), we are freed to (y).

                I’m going to end by having built up to a celebration of God’s action.

                In summary, here is the sermon, in language that echoes the beginning and middle.

                I’m going to end with a story that illustrates what I’ve been talking about.

                I’m going to end with the most powerful story of the sermon, which captures the theme.

                I’m going to end with something open, something to consider, but not a cliffhanger.

                My ending comes out of the beginning and middle.

                My ending matches the theme, purpose, logic and tone of the sermon.